Fix epoll proactor listener for rearming and overflow per socket

This addresses the comment

// TODO: armed logic should be per socket not per aggregate listener

which is a required step to add logic to safely shutdown a listener (PROTON-1531). The overflow logic needs similar per socket updating.

Additional issues to address while addressing this code change:

pclosefd - fix deadlock on recursive lock for listener sockets

socket array size to 1 on failure to match realloc

check for need to wakeup listener if pn_listener_accept() not called from or close to ACCEPT event callback (i.e. not "working").